Friday, November 11, 2011

Toward a better Muslim ;]

Alhamdulillah, Thanks to Allah for this beautiful life He has given to me. Hurm, dear all its has been a long time i had not post any n3 in here. well as i thought before, third sem gona be a though one. However, i had to admit lots of changes, which is positive one had took place in my life. ;)

Starting at the very beginning of this semester, i had new 'job' huhu I m grateful to be chosen as one of the Rakan, Majlis Kolej Kediaman UMT at my pace. Specifically speaking, Unit Kerohaniah dan Pembangunan Sahsiah. First time i did attend the meeting with others, i was like.. Oh no.. it cant be me.. they were all good boys, pious girls.. and me? Hurm. Sometimes i thought am the most naughty, the one with lowest level of Islamic knowlegde compared to others. But but but, time walking by.. and Allah had really opened my eyes.. Being with good people, made me eagerly wan to be a part of them too. i got my good fren advised me, not to be worry just bcoz of that tiny thing, but take d positive part of it. Push myself toward a better person day by day insha Allah ;) I do reallly admire both my Excos. They did really inspired me a lot. ;D

This sem i aso got, sum kind of new fren, new partner walkin with me and cat.. myra.. hehe ;D well big thing to tell everybody huh? wee~ Like before.. there ll be sum conlict that took place between me n my people ( not talkin bout cat n myra k? ). Its  good thing to have cat n myra by my side. ;] however, i had to admit. being in here.. in umt.. sumtimes i feel quite alone. ya, they both understand me much better then other frens in umt. but still, they dun understand me as much i expect from them. sometimes, maybe it can be most of the time.. i do get hard feeling with with them. What they speak, make me sad.. tore ma heart apart.. i used to cry bcoz of them before.. when i think its too much.. hey, am a human being aso.. i cannot be tough, hard, flexible n wat so ever by all time.. i wish there ll be one time that am capable of speaking my heart out bout this. Hurm, its ok la, i just type it here. Sumore, Allah knows what s really going on in my mind, whats really hurt me, and He do count every single of my tear. That will be a huuuuge secrete between me and Him. 

Talkkin bout frens, couple days ago i had a chat wif ma best best best fren ever.. Diela, and Qoo.. Hoho! At last! I do really miss them. My best Listener of my story hehe I spoke my heart out. I Told them how i really missed the moment with my old friends. People in Umt sometimes abuse me ( huh? ) uhuhu Talk talk talk, like it seems to meet no end. They did give me some nice, sweet words so that am not feelin sad for things me myself making up. ( Erk, really ) at one moment, the more i think, the more i realize maybe all dis time i am the one who is not being grateful of what i already had.. Ya, right..? Noo am not.. Yes you are.. Well, it can be yes or not.. YOU are..!! Ok yes I am. Hurm i m slightly realise, i do really happy, laugh laugh laugh together with them.. so wat could be the big deal huh? Its not bout them, its bout inside ME. Oh Allah, guide my heart so that i wont do things i shudnt do in my life, so that i wont take any wrong decision without am knowing it. 

Hurm, this sem.. i took a step closer to Allah. Alhamdulillah. maybe slowly, i already make it succes for me to adapt my self in here. Relief.. happy as i am ;D its like i found who my real self is.. Subhanallah.. i found my road straight pointed to Him.. With my new job MKK, plus i got a new roomate.. She aso inspired me a lot.. Its so true when Wardina Safiyah said before, when u determined to changed ur self better, and move a step closer toward Islam.. Allah will send u people who ll take ur hand and move ahead.. Alhamdulillah.. Thanks to Him.. This is my Hijrah ;) Speaking to my self.. starting from now on, yiippie! I am super happy! Every morning, i wake up with a renew determination in my self.. Dear Allah, today i want to become a better person, a much much better Muslimah, pleas guide me Amin! I found new routine in my daily life, performing prayer at early time, make full use of Surau around me, get myself into usrah, reading mathurat, Qurau recitation..before this, i only make promise to myself to recite this holy Quran at least 1 time per day.. but now i wan to set up new target.. i wan to at least, read it 5 pages per day.. even i still think its quiet little compared to how huge it will give me 'syafaat' on my very next life. Well, i ll improve as possible as i could. Aso, i try try try so hard to make my self wake up early in morning, in middle of the night, performing tahajud, qiamualail, and fasting in every Mon and Thurs. Errghh~ still try and try. 

Thats all really need ijtihad, effort and a very strong determination in ourself to really2 turn over a new leaf hoho~ And i aso make up a new hobby, listening to tazkirah MP3 hoho interesting rite? u noe, when i m listening to music i duno why i l easily to get dizzy, stress.. that i cud feel my blood become so thick on my haed. its like, i cannot think or focus on my work then hoh but ya, i had to admit, sumtimes in afternoon, i do listen to music, ( bollywood sumore ngeh3 ) to avoid feelin bored or sleepy when i do my work ohoho no matter whos givin the tazkirah, either ustaz azhar, ustaz kazim.. zahazan.. shamsul zaman.. ustaz shamsuri.. all i listen.. well, we got no one, no lecture to remind us bout Islam, aqidah, and syariah right.. i think thats all  i cud.. we cud do.. to make ourselve alwiz close to our beloved deen, our beloved Muhammad saw.. 

One day, i listened to tazkirah, by one of the famous novelis, Ustazah Fatimah Syarha Mohd Noordin. One that i admired a lot. Got 1 thing that she said, push my self to do sumthing huge.. She did say.. to close any door that cud bring 'fitnah' between male and female.. especially in way that we communicate to each other.. unless for acceptable reason according to syariah.. Reason, in term of.. when Allah ask you bout the 'reason' for sure, u can answer it. But if not, you better leave it. Thats really touch my heart and make me think. All this  while, i alwiz try to take care good on how to deal with Muslimin around me.. how i speak to them, all bout the muamalat thing.. But still, in my point of view.. its hard.. :( i dunno.. but i cud feel it. But then i took the best decision, the decision which to take care Allah more than anything else.. focus on Him more.. than anyone else..then I choose to leave.. what ever that i think its possible to take Him away from me..  Masha Allah, give me strength.. cause i am.. definitely weak.. ='[

Hurm, i think that s all for this n3.. huhu Hope that i cud make it.. toward a better Muslim.. Wishing me myself a 'barokah' day ahead ;D Till then, salam alaik~